Yay, Go Daddy!

I don’t know what to do. I think I met my true love. It wasn’t as intense at the beginning. But now I think I’m crazily in love with him after a month or two. Crap, what do I do? We are crazy. How good does it feel to kiss without even wiping off the apple red lipstick because we just can’t wait? How good does it feel to have somebody in your heart while he’s miles and miles away and can only see each other one day on the weekend? I’m scared now. I’m in deep shit…

He’s so square and serious. He wasn’t comfortable with my revealing, direct, naked, crazy writing… And he doesn’t like me getting drunk when he’s not around… He doesn’t like me doing this and that, but I think I’m putting it up with him… I must be out of my mind… Shame on me…

Nothing beats this where I can wait for him getting off the plane here in this stupid strip mall in Orange County like any women. It’s Friday night, I drove here; went grocery shopping in Big Lots cuz there’s nothing to do here; walked into Fashion Bug as well but found nothing for me; then came to this little OC version of Tapioca Express playing crappy FM93.1 style music that made me feel like in a Westfield mall or something… I had not had this feeling, for a very very long time already… To push the shopping cart in Big Lots; to sip some tea in some stupid colorful Asian coffee joint with unacceptably slow wi-fi, to chat with my cousin in Hong Kong on MSN about her new boyfriend, to have seen another cousin in San Luis Obispo knowing he’s good kid doing all happy and well in college… knowing someone loves me at home… I think this hasn’t happened since John von… That I don’t have to worry about that the guy doesn’t love me again… No lonely weekends again; no waiting for the guy’s call again; no booty call blues again; no playing Sherlock Holmes again… This feels good… Argh… Thank God… That was just a nightmare; I woke up from it…

As much as I don’t want to admit, love women beautiful… What makes my heart pound every time he calls me from Pittsburg, New York, Salt Lake or just home like a highschool student? I’m charmed by his messy living room full of pre-teen’s toys, and absolutely traditional single European Catholic bachelor’s aesthetics the first time I saw it… Oh man, am I not borderline creepy…? But for some reason, his fatherhood just sucks me in. I don’t know why I’d be so fascinated listening to him telling me how he takes care of his son, what they do, what happen to them, etc. His stories just draw me. And it really is different from I just find a guy having a lizard from Africa or a vintage Les Paul with Louis Armstrong’s autograph at home. I don’t know what, but it blew me away the first time I saw his boy’s toys and he cooked. I mean, no, the idea of a single dad probably isn’t the first thing I think of in a guy I’d imagine as a lover although it’s not a turn-off either; it’s not necessarily any more different than just a new person but still, I have never dated any parent before. Especially a cute one

tag: single women