Functional Poly

Couple weeks ago, I was chatting with a friend of mine who’s been living in a poly triad for a few years now. His girlfriend was feeling uncomfortable about his desire to pursue a new sweetie. When I say “uncomfortable,” please understand that describing her in this manner is sort of like describing Mount Everest as “rather tall.” She was Freaking Out. So he and I discussed the situation, and I talked a bit about my own limited experiences with partners’ jealousy. Quite limited, in fact. My friend said wistfully, “You’re so lucky. I’m glad to know someone who is functionally poly.”

Protip: If you wish happiness for your alternate-lifestyle friends, don’t compliment them on their alternate-lifestyle skills or alternate-lifestyle good fortune. It’s a surefire jinx.