The Second Mother

Even though this Mother’s Day will come and go without spending time with my husband and stepson (my husband will be with his mom and I will be with mine) I remember all the wonderful things I experienced and all the not so wonderful things about being the second mother.

Being a mother is a very humble experience. I wasn’t always a good mother, in fact there are times I was the worst of mothers. I didn’t always give him the benefit of the doubt. At times I made him try things he professed he didn’t like. I grounded him for longer than I should have. I made him put away laundry by himself when I should have helped him. I yelled at him when I should have hugged him. And sadly the list goes on.

But thankfully he is a very understanding kid. He forgave me for all of these times and more. He understood that I was a new mom, that I didn’t know best and that my apologies meant I was truly sorry. I was lucky, he not only liked me, he loved me. And the night I told him that his dad and I were having trouble working things out so I was moving out, he comforted me while I cried. He held me and told me it would be alright.

I will never forget the numerous times we went to the zoo, fell during ice skating, cut the cake at all his birthday parties, pilled pillows in the family room and noshed on popcorn while watching movies. I loved the time when we raced each other to see if I could put away two loads of laundry faster than he could clean his room (oddly we tied). I will never forget the unending questions about his body that I never knew the answers to. I will never forget the entire year he regaled us with questions to see if we were smarter than a third grader. I will never forget the way he stepped off the bus after a week of summer camp and he looked like he had been drinking the entire time and yet the smile on his face could have melted the iced polar caps. I will never forget the day he burst through the door and threw his Valentine’s on the table because he had waited all day to show me each and everyone of them - especially the ones with the cats on them. I will never forget the time my husband and I sat and taught him that reading slow and sounding out the words didn’t sound weird. I will NEVER FORGET the many times he took and held my hand while we watched tv together - his hand was so small compared to mine and yet he held it with such confidence. I will never forget the way he ordered my favorite drink (apple juice) on our plane rides together as if he were the adult of the group - he would hold up two fingers and say “Two apple juices”. I will never forget the hugs that never ended . . . literally.

I learned that some of the best kept secrets were revealed late at night in the dark, when I thought he was sleeping and I snuck in his room to put his socks and shoes away. I learned that being the second mother isn’t the worst thing because I got to be with him every day and was involved in all his joys and suffering. I learned that turning your kid into a guinea pig and making him run out into the torrential rains not only provides laughter for all parties involved, it also makes great photographic memories. I learned that the best camping trips are comprised of too much rain, cold winds, muddy grounds, little to no fire and walking around without shoes regardless of how much dirt gets attached to his socks. I learned that a boy can elicit just as much love and affection (and probably more) than a girl. I learned that a back scratch can last forever when you are giving it to someone else. I learned that shoes full of sand equals a day full of fun. I learned that even though I may be tired and sick there is always more energy to take care of a sick kid.

And most of all I learned that being a mother is a very rewarding job and not for the weak at heart - although ever mother’s heart will weaken at the love of their child, even if they are only a second mother.