If You Move To Japan With A Family

I came here as a trailing spouse.  I gave up all the things that usually take years to foster: a career, seeing close friends, a house with a yard, my doggies.  My child gave up friends, the house, doggies, grandparents, and everything known.  My husband’s dream job is here, and it was his opportunity, and we support him in it.  But something happened in his enthusiasm with being in a new land, in having his dream job, in making new friends.  He backburnered his family.   He didn’t mean to, but it sort of happened.

This really isn’t that uncommon.  In fact, it’s pretty common for trailing spouses to suffer depression, anxiety, noticeable weight gain or loss, when coming over here.  They find themselves alone, caring for the children, or if there are no kids just being alone a lot of time, trying to make new friends, trying to figure out her (sometimes his) place in a new country.  And, when the other spouse finds it easy to make friends with coworkers, spends a great deal of leisure time away from the family, and leaves the childrearing clearly to the other spouse, it can make integrating all that much more difficult.  Tokyo English Life Line, TELL, was set up to help with just this kind of thing.

If you have a spouse and a family that you plan to move to Japan, please make time for them in your busy day trying to become acquainted at work and with the new culture.  Chances are, you work in an English-speaking environment, or you may be fluent in Japanese, but your spouse may not be.  Daily life outside the office isn’t conducted in English, and it can be very isolating.  Take time to just simply thank the person who loved you enough to move to the other side of the world.  And remember that when you are old and grey, back in your home country, or wherever the road may lead, you want that person to be with you, not Larry in the office next door.

And if you are the trailing spouse, or prospective trailing spouse, then know that there are resources to help.  And expat women really do want to make friends with you.  We’re a small bunch, and without you and others like you, we’d be sadly short on friends.