The Married Man
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Being the only female in an all male army unit is an interesting thing.  You get to hear things that most women shudder at.  I, on the other hand, am the one probably saying the most offensive, vile things.  We were talking about why it is that married men get hit on in bars more than single men.  The answer is simple.  The married man can commit.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  This is completely backwards.  Why would you chase a man who is committed, and try to get him to become uncommitted.  That’s when I chimed in “Tell her your wife just died.”  I know.  It’s disgusting.  It’s wrong.  And it’s definitely more appealing.  I mean, there’s commitment, sensitivity, and no excess baggage.  The perfect man.  

There have been 3 married men in my life.  Gary, my long lost soul mate, who made it to earth a staggering 20 years before I did.  Darren, a man of authority, who could have ruined his entire career because of me.  And Mitch.  God bless him, he tries so hard.  

Now, I mentioned in my first blog that I had been labeled a homewrecker, and I thought that this title was a bit unfair.  Now is the time for clarification and justification.  When I met Gary a year ago, my first thought about him was “WOW, too bad he’s married.”  I stopped myself in my tracks, and decided to just flat out leave him alone.  Well, that attempt was fine, until he decided he didn’t want to leave ME alone.  I resisted.  He persisted.  And that’s the problem.  Persistence beats resistance. . . every time.  I listened to his story, and I listened to his situation, and I listened.  What happened next was something I’m not quite ready to share.  My heart is still to new and raw, and my stomach turns just thinking about it.  I love him.  My first mistake.  

Loving a married man is God’s punishment for dating a married man.  You can’t be there the right way.  You don’t get to share all those special moments you would get to in a normal relationship.  You don’t get to broadcast your love all over the world.  Your special gazes are glared upon and frowned upon, and even worse, criticized by your lover.  Don’t tell, don’t share, be a big secret.  Sure, there’s something glamorous about hiding, but that only lasts for so long.  Eventually you become bitter and suspicious, and what should have been “the one” turned out to be the biggest heartache of my life.  Something I’ll never recover from. . . not fully anyway.  

My friend Amanda is going through the same thing.  A man she loves has promised to leave his wife. . . if she promises to be with him.  She thinks it’s a good deal, and if he leaves his wife, it is.  That’s what I told her.  I told her to make him leave her first, and then think about it.  Don’t set yourself up for what I went through.  

So looking back, the best and the worst relationship of my life was with a married man.  The only one I’ve ever been with, though not pursued by.  Personally, I don’t recommend it.  And I still don’t see the appeal of the married man. . . 

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