Dating News & Commentary

By Elaina Goodman from www.firstwivesworld.com

First thing you learn, at least the first thing I learned, about being a single mom: it’s hard, almost impossible. I signed the lease for my new apartment on my 10th wedding anniversary. Let’s just say I’m a deadline-driven kind of girl, and after years of thinking I can be broke, and alone all by myself, it hit me, my deadline was 10 years. I had to get out.

That was two years ago. At the time, my daughters were 4 ½ and 21-months, and PBS had just aired a documentary called P.O.V – Waging a Living. The film looked at four people, three of them single moms, all working full-time and none making enough to make ends meet.

How’s that for a timely glance into the crystal ball?

One by one their stories debunked the American Dream, which is work hard and you’ll get ahead. One-quarter of the adult workers in this country have dead-end jobs paying less than the federal poverty level for a family of four. That’s 30 million people.

There was the 41-year-old waitress and mother of three young kids who made $2.13 an hour and sometimes paid more than 90 percent of her nightly tips to the babysitter. Yep, right there with you, sister. My gig was working nights in the sports department of a local newspaper, but I didn’t make much. The one night a week I both had the kids and had to work, I paid their sitter a buck an hour more than my hourly wage. Figure in commute time and those shifts cost me $10.

The apartment I picked was small for the price, one bedroom, but it has plenty of green space for the kids to play, and trees to climb. And the selling point, location, was that it was smack in the middle of my three tightest girlfriends’ houses. Five blocks in either direction to two of them.

When you divorce, everyone and their Aunt Nellie tell you to go where you have the strongest support. In other words, make sure you are living in the right village, because it’s going to help you raise your kids.

My own village was in crisis, with cancer and Crone’s Disease and unemployment. We were all holding a life ring in one hand, and trying to keep someone else from going under with the other

Nobody had the time or energy to watch my kids. So I learned the second great truth of single motherhood. As much as it is impossible, it is possible.

The key to my survival was creativity. I know every store in town that has free childcare, and I’ve tested most of them.

The unanimous family favorite is Ikea. My girls play, I find the quietest spot I can to give the couches a serious quality check, and on the way out everyone gets cheap ice cream.

Thanks, Ikea. Nothing like an hour of free childcare and a cheap ice cream cone to help defray the high price of freedom. Now if you’d just add Wi-Fi.

Another day, another long-winded craigslist ad from some atx goon looking for a skinny girlfriend. But this time, an unheard of development….

First some of the very long post, a standard hyper-specific rant about how this guy is pretty much exactly like every other guy in again

Reply to: />Date: 2008-06-28, 10:08AM

I just had 2 of the most awesome, spectacular flameout first dates ever through this!
I am going to try to be less vague this time.
I like root beer floats, Evil

Bad first dates off of C’s list? Bish please, you get what you pay for.

Kurt Vonnegut, Hunter Thompson, Mark Twain, my bicycle, The Sun, The Sea and the Sand, Barton Springs. I once snuck up on a bald eagle in a canoe. I have an extremely dry sense of humour.

Really? Like in England where they use extraneous vowels like that?! I bet you like the British Office better, too!

I am old school Austin, casual, and

I am accepting too, but only of self-proclaimed authentically old school Austin people with dry senses of humor and an abiding love for Barton Springs.

He also mentions, in the exhaustive list of his interests, the requisite “mountain climbing” which is how we found found him, obv.

But this post takes a dramatic turn when we scroll down and see that Once Again 37 is…

totally hot!

BTW, that picture is 2 years old. My hair is a bit shorter now, and I have a ball-point pen sticking out of my forehead.

Um, that’s even hotter! He needs a new ad, with the pic at the top.

Then under that it should say:

Hello! I’m a totally normal Austin guy with a regular job. I like all the shit that regular Austin guys like. I’m into all the outdoorsy stuff that guys like me always say they like, and I would like a girl with similar interests to go on dates with.

If you are relatively normal, confident, not too much younger or older than me and local, send me an email!

ps - please also be pretty (like I said, regular guy ;-)

 

Someone please go out with him. Report back.

        We are all born into circumstances that we have absolutely no control over.  The best that you can hope for is to maximize the positive and to minimize the negative events, circumstances or experiences.  All of those things, both positive and negative, help to shape us into the person that we become.

        If we start to experience problems in our relationships at work, home, school, or on a personal level with someone special; often, we will discover at the root of the issue, are things left over from our very beginnings in life that are unresolved or unhealed.  When the past threatens to destroy your future you must take time to figure it out; for your well-being and for those who care about you.

        Understanding what the problem is and where it comes from is a turning point.  Don’t get stuck there with excuses why your life isn’t turning out the way you want it to…you don’t have to continue to be held hostage by the past!  

        Do you know anyone who is there, or has been there?  I know someone who is hurting right now because his life is falling apart…seemingly, all at once.  Of course, that is not actually the way it happened.  What has happened is, that all that went before was not dealt with in any sort of positive way, and it has all just now begun to explode in his face.   It is a very painful time.

         The situation he was born into, morphed over time into a lifetime of patterns that has roots in verbal abuse and culminated in a very low self esteem.  Unhappiness would at times show up in his life…but, not understanding that the unhappiness was a symptom of deeper things…he would think that it was caused by some sad, frustrating, or negative experience or person in his life at that moment….A conditional unhappiness. 

          Now looking back at the patterns and the destruction…he is beginning to see how all of those things have affected his life and his relationships.  This is where the works sets in.  Discovering all of this has been painful.  The desire to fix it and repair the damage is strong…but, being reminded that fixing it is going to take time and it may not happen quick enough to save some of the relationships in his life was hard to hear; I am sure.  But, just knowing that unless healing is worked towards… and self -love and self- respect begins to happen…no relationship will survive long term, was a point, that had to be made.

        Loving yourself has to be a goal.  Understand that you can’t control what went before in your life.  Owning that the past has had a huge impact on who you are; and, taking control for healing, forgiveness and acceptance, is the key.  Owning it doesn’t mean that you are saying what happened in the past is ok…it just means that you acknowledge that those things of the past happened; and, are a small portion of who you are.  Things can change for the better.

          Taking back your life means taking responsibility for the direction your life takes from this point forward.  Draw a line in the sand and say…that was before…this is now…I am the one in control of what happens in my life; as far as personal fulfillment and happiness are concerned.  I will be a respectful, loving, caring and sensitive person towards myself and others; it is a good place to begin. 



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