 |
My Top 3 |
 |
It happens and you don’t even quite know how. A discussion becomes a heated debate becomes a full-blown argument. Words are said that you’ll regret later. Time needs to pass before the soreness heals. Is there a way to detect an argument brewing before it turns into a full-blown mess?
Couples counseling teaches better ways of communication but the importance lies in applying that knowledge on a daily basis. When you talk about your relationships in counseling, it offers an opportunity to examine the ways you interact with others.
Here are some other ways to sense when a storm is approaching and what to do:
First, listen to what your partner is not saying. It may sound odd, but listen for the I don’t feel well today, or the We lost a really big contract at work, and I’m a little anxious about the status of my job right now. If you can look past the You do everything wrong, statements for your partner’s underlying feelings, you’ll not only be able to diffuse the situation, you’ll also help your partner to get past the anger front.
Second, even if you can’t figure out what’s gone wrong, try to be understanding about your partner’s feelings. Understand what your partner needs when he or she is angry. If it’s space, grant them that. If it’s a loving shoulder to cry on when the anger is gone, offer that as well.
Finally, think about every word you say. Unlike your keyboard, your tongue doesn’t have a backspace. You can never get rid of those words once they’re hanging in the air of your home, and while you can apologize, you can’t get rid of the feelings you create in your partner once you say those hurtful things.
Finally, arguing is never a welcome process but often its needed to alleviate anxiety and pent-up frustration. It’s the way you argue that matters. Make sure you do it in a way that’s healthy and productive. If it doesn’t feel like it will be, take 10!
Leave a Reply